Grieving

[Oscar Carter]

My mother, Gladys Carter, passed away late last month.

Her life was celebrated in memoriam the Fourth of July weekend. I realize the Fourth was one of her most cherished holidays; another was Memorial Day. My mother was a very proud World War II Veteran you see, and in that regard, she frequently wore a banner that read, "Nothing More To Prove" although she demanded her story and the stories of the other Black Women who were the first and only "African Americans" to serve overseas during the war be told. Mom was a staunch American Patriot and was once honored by President Clinton in the White House on behalf of the National Association of Black Military Women (NABMW). Earlier this year, the City of Chesapeake, Virginia named her a "Daughter of Chesapeake." In her later years, I frequently told her how proud I am of her and too infrequently how much I love her and never how I would ever miss her like I do. I have experienced the deaths of other love ones in the past, including the death of my first wife, although "divorced" at the time, my father and my only brother. My former wife left me our two beautiful daughters and I have an aunt, my mother's one remaining sister of four. I am also very pleased to have my former mother in law who has become a very close friend and who has always been there for me since the first day we met. All that aside, my mother's absence has left a void that pains me.

It seems a little weird I also mourn the death of Michael Jackson who died five days before my mother. "The King of Pop? Please! I once referred to Michael as a "god" and I loved him completely. I find it difficult to separate the grief I now feel. Perhaps I should view my losses as One.

Finally, I note two new lives as my second wife and youngest daughter each expect the birth of their first child. Life is quite extraordinary, wouldn't you agree?

Please join me in becoming a member of the National Association of Black Military Women at www.nabmw.com.

Oscar Carter
Creating A World
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[Oscar Carter]

Dee, Thank you so much for your tribute to mom, and in doing so, your extraordinary contribution to the Creating A World Community conversation.MVI_0077.thm

[Deanna McCabe]

Gladys Carter was my friend, my mentor, my sounding board and my surrogate mother. Because of the mutual love and respect we had for each other, we lived, truely, as a world community.

She opened my eyes to so many possibilities and different ways of seeing. It was Gladys that decided we should hold a block party to get to know our neighbors on a more than "just a passing basis" and we did. It was to be an annual event. During the last weeks of her life, these same neighbors came by to visit and offer any assistance that might be needed. Not just for Gladys, but for her family and for me as the caregiver.

It was Gladys that shared her struggles with me over whether to leave the Episcopal Church because her church had decided to break away over the ordination of gay priests. Because she knew "exclusion" first hand when she volunteered to serve in the US Army which still had seperate barracks and bathrooms and water fountains for the "of color" soldiers, she was a firm believer and proponent for "INCLUSION" regardless of differences and varying points of view. After staying home for several Sundays, and meditating long and hard on the matter, she decided that she was against the break away but had otherwise found a faith community that she felt comfortable with and comfort from, and God would take care of the rest.

Regardless of the cause, she was an activist and was extremely proud of her son, Oscar's, participation in the political process and election of President Obama. She was a thinker, planner, idealist, optomist and always a "doer."

I grieve for the woman that no longer makes me call her and tell her I arrived home safely, no matter the time. I grieve for the woman who chastised me for not reading my e-mails daily, who added Tabasco Sauce to all my "gourmet" cooking, who bragged that she had "good hair," who constantly planned to solve all the problems that were presented on OPRAH, who told me I'd have a cute figure if I didn't have such a big belly, who talked to her beloved "Tank" on a daily basis, and who made sure I "at least gave thanks" while she prayed before each meal. I grieve for the woman who screwed up her computer on a weekly basis, who always killed her plants unless they happen to live outside and were evergreens that didn't need tending, who thought enough of our friendship to leave me family heirlooms because she knew they would be greatly treasured and forever remind me of the wonderful times we were silly, sad and silent in complete concordance.

I grieve for Michael Jackson because of the loss to humanity of one of its own. I grieve for his parents as a parent who can imagine the thought of the loss of a child. I grieve for his children as a child who has lost both parents. I grieve as a sister who has lost a brother. I grieve as a part of the art community who has lost a voice. But my grief for my dear friend, Gladys Carter, is on a personal level.

My work with hospice patients has forced me to examine the process of dying and for those who remain behind. I have peeled the layers of my grief to the essence of "her" and my grief is raw, a grief felt in the pit of my stomach. In time, the pain will dull, the passage from life to memory completed, and in its place the peace will come and all will be as it should be. This I wish for all who knew Gladys Carter personally and for the world community at large. Surely, her smile, laughter, and love will shine through in the new lives to come. Peace

[Oscar Carter]

Regrettably, I did not pay as much attention to my mother's military story as I might have before she passed. She was instrumental in having a book written that encapsulates the stories of many of the Black Women that served with her unit overseas and in other places, particularly during the period the military was segregated. I might have a copy and will loan it out if I can find it. Perhaps I can even scan it and put it up on this site. In the meantime, you can go to http://www.nabmw.com and read the section entitled "HERSTORY." Oscar

[Shimoda]

I did not know there were women vets in WWII. I would have loved to hear her stories.
I still have my old 'Right On' magazines. It was all about the Jackson 5. I got to pull them out.
I knew about your child but I didn't know about the grandbaby. Congrads!

[Sherell Slaise]

And I should also note, I too miss Grandma tremendously.

[Sherell Slaise]

Beautiful write-up Dad! Beautiful. And to Donna Timberlake, my grandmother (your Aunt Gladys) knew about her expecting great-grandchild and grandchild. She was equally excited for both babies to learn she'd have two new grandchildren.

[Donna Timberlake]

Grandpa and expecting Dad at the same time? That's great ! Aunt Gladys would have been tickled at that one. I loved Micheal Jackson too. My very first 45 record was " I Want You Back" by the J5. I don't care what people have to say about him... They can't dispute his legacy and the beautiful, happy, joyful music he left us.